"Life After Loss" Yoga Class by Patsy Pain

I am a can of sardines
and someone has peeled the top back.

Personal Ad by Patsy Pain

"Fag hag seeks fag to hag for. Qualifications include past fag hagging and old school etiquette; including: introductions, sharp eye scanning any crowd for male interest in my fag, general marketing and knowing when to fade into the background. My services are best applied when the merchandise sells itself."

X-cerpt for 5-25-06

"Slip around some universal corner
Like a woman
Slip around some corner pick up the phone
Like a woman
She must build a fire next to the pay phone
Heat is the point, smoke on the reciever
Light up to its universal ringing
Like a woman
Picking it up, her heat blinds the night
And rises
And rises"

From "Universal Corner" by John Doe & Exene Cervenka (from X's Wild Gift album)

Dispatch from LA by Joe Doe

We have a nip-tuck, silicon, scar-tissue and botox cold weather alert going down here.
No, fun for the sun bunnies today or tomorrow so its liquid tanning lotion and sun lamps
from here on out. The shear horror of pale skin is more frightening than some could even
imagine!

Cheers

In Praise of Seediness (#1) By Patsy Pain

I’m not sure when it all started; but I suspect it started with the Santa Monica Mall.

The Mall was an aging outdoor mall with tile lined orange fountains. Its heyday was probably in the 40’s or 50’s. By the early 70’s when my parents started taking me there it had fallen into disrepair. Wino’s slept in empty doorways, pigeons ruled, fed by lonely souls who had nothing else to do.

On one noteworthy occasion, a crowd gathered around a man whose eyes were extremely crossed and he was hollering. We paused to look. I was mesmerized. My mom hurried me along saying he was “on drugs.”

Did I already mention that the Mall was generally kind of deserted?

On a typical Saturday, say in 1977, you would find a handful of recent Mexican immigrants perusing the discount stores, but the mall was mostly empty of people. It was open space in a city of millions of people.

Sometimes on Saturday nights, Diana Banana’s dad would take Diana and I and some of her assorted 6 siblings to the 49 cent movie theater, the Criterion. It was a dilapidated theater, past its prime, which I’m guessing was in the 1950’s. 49 cents was super cheap even by 70’s standards. The floor was sticky; there was gum under the seats. Going there was very exciting and the one place you would find a crowd at the Mall.

I remember once finding shoes for $5 at one of the Mall’s discount stores. Already I was a bargain hunter at age 10. I wore those cheap, weird running shoes until they fell apart. Diana Banana got a pair too.

As the 70’s drew to a close the Mall got even seedier to the point of being creepy. My parents didn’t take me there anymore. I think it was around 1980 that the sparkling new indoor mall went in across the street from what we now called “the Old Mall.” The “New Mall”, the “Santa Monica Place” was a teeny bopper paradise. It had surfer clothes, Chik-Fil-A, smoothies, cheap jewelry and café’ au lait. We spent DAYS there. I was 12,13,14. The Old Mall sat and got even more blighted, though still beloved by immigrants and old people.

In the late 80’s they tore down the Old Mall, much to the relief of the Chamber of Commerce. The Old Mall was replaced by the “Third Street Promenade.” The Promenade was the new hip place to go and is still a 30- and 40-something hang-out to this day. It emerged with a focus on upscale shopping, yuppie restaurants, street performers and an impressive “newsstand” full of glossy periodicals.
What a waste.

I would, if I could, tear it all down and bring back the dime store, the Criterion, the orangey tile fountains and yes, even the pigeons. Because we lost a place where families with just a little money could shop, take in a movie, have lunch and buy some band aids.

MOVIE REVIEW HAIKU by Cherry Sparkle

==BUBBLE 2006==

factory town folk.
routine deception: all lies.
make dolls, are dolls. sad.

X-cerpt for 5/19/06

"Sugarlight, sugarlight
I can't believe
Swallowing one bulb after another
In the city of electric light"

-John Doe & Exene Cervenka (from X's "Los Angeles" album)