Quotes
Laverne:
On relationships:
“Dude, I was married, I know what it’s like to be a hooker.”
On travel:
“Baltimore is considered one of the assholes of America.”
On world events:
“What the hell is up with peanut allergies? Everyone has a peanut allergy. Terrorists are going to use peanuts on us. Do you know how cheap it would be to grind up peanut dust and aspirate that shit? Instead of anthrax, they’ll mail envelopes of peanut dust!”
On bargains (phone message to Patsy):
“I saw a sex toy on the side of the road and thought of you.
I decided that if Patsy says that it’s okay for me to pick it up I would. It’s like a $70 toy.
Then I thought ‘How did it get there in the first place?’‘Oh crap, I left it on top of my car.’ ”
On self-esteem:
"When you look at me do you think princess? Well you should."
On dating:
"Match.com is like standing outside the circle at a junior high dance, isn't it?"
Joe Doe:
On the workplace:
“You feel like the bullshit is stacking up so high, you need wings to stay above it.”
Jane Foreplay:
On nutrition:
“Trader Joe’s is the most snackiest place ever! It’s hard to walk out of there with normal groceries.”
On fashion (getting a Dorothy Hamill haircut by mistake) :
"Man, I don't wanna look like an uptight iceskater!"
On her mad skills in the sack:
“I used to play the clarinet.”
On relationships:
“Dude, I was married, I know what it’s like to be a hooker.”
On travel:
“Baltimore is considered one of the assholes of America.”
On world events:
“What the hell is up with peanut allergies? Everyone has a peanut allergy. Terrorists are going to use peanuts on us. Do you know how cheap it would be to grind up peanut dust and aspirate that shit? Instead of anthrax, they’ll mail envelopes of peanut dust!”
On bargains (phone message to Patsy):
“I saw a sex toy on the side of the road and thought of you.
I decided that if Patsy says that it’s okay for me to pick it up I would. It’s like a $70 toy.
Then I thought ‘How did it get there in the first place?’
On self-esteem:
"When you look at me do you think princess? Well you should."
On dating:
"Match.com is like standing outside the circle at a junior high dance, isn't it?"
Joe Doe:
On the workplace:
“You feel like the bullshit is stacking up so high, you need wings to stay above it.”
Jane Foreplay:
On nutrition:
“Trader Joe’s is the most snackiest place ever! It’s hard to walk out of there with normal groceries.”
On fashion (getting a Dorothy Hamill haircut by mistake) :
"Man, I don't wanna look like an uptight iceskater!"
On her mad skills in the sack:
“I used to play the clarinet.”
